The Memory I Could Never Forget – Need Your Prayers Please…

Let me tell you what happened. If you could still remember last year I had miscarriage due to the myoma that triggered. Last March 23, I graduated from my Master’s Degree then March 26 was my birthday when I felt something inside of me. My myoma became bigger, so I went to the doctor last March 29 for check up. There and then, I knew that I was 6 weeks pregnant. I didn’t feel anything or any morning sickness at all. Everyone in the family was so glad and excited especially hubby and my 2 sons as well as the cousins and friends so with our church family. After knowing it the next week my tummy became big with unusual size. It seems that the baby was already 5 months old. I even was surprised at the size of my tummy and even some of the church members while looking at me. They even were asking if it’s only 2 months since it’s really big.

When other friends looked at me, they would utter a word saying “that’s a baby girl” because I look pretty with a clean face though. I just smiled at them and praying for a girl of course. Most of our friends who would look at me would say the same thing. But something happened again.

Last Friday, (Good Friday) we had our “7 sayings.”We hurriedly went to the church after visiting our mentor who just came back from 2 years of studying and learning Mongolian language and culture. At 1pm our service started. Many visitors came and we (the choir) rendered 2 songs. Around 4 pm when we decided to go home. We sent our sister and her family back home and we visited our parents as well who are staying with them at the moment because our father is already bedridden. We prepared for dinner and we’re glad to buy something on the way since almost all of the small and big stores were closed. After dinner, we went back to the church because our teenager was still there with the cousins preparing for the Youth Camp the next 2 days. Then we fetched our nephew in the bus terminal at 9pm. We went back home and waited for our teenager and some youth to stay in our house for the night. There were 9 of them. They slept late so I waited for them to be asleep around 11 pm. I guess, I was so tired that day. So I woke up late while all of them went out for jogging since Panaad Stadium was 20 meters away from our house. When I woke up they were already home so I hurriedly cook something for them.

At 9am, I felt something coming out of me. I didn’t bother but after 10 minutes I went inside the toilet and found myself with a spot of blood. I then told my sister who was around and told me to rest. I then sent a message to my OB-Gyne and gave me something to take to save the baby.

Yesterday, I went to my doctor for check up. She could not decide nor give me some medications unless she finds the result of the ultrasound. I then went for ultrasound – we are blessed because we have a doctor for ultrasound in our church. We asked her help, and after lunch she did the ultrasound. It took an hour for me to stay inside the room with hubby. She did not speak during that span because she didn’t want to say anything unless she is sure of the result. Then, after an hour of waiting, she declared that the baby has no heartbeat. I was shocked because during my 1st miscarriage I was bleeding as if I was giving birth and this time there was only small blood spots but there was no heartbeat. The first time we knew that we have a baby last month we could still see the heartbeat because she showed it to us during her actual ultrasound while I was lying. But yesterday, heartbeat was nowhere to be found. She told us that supposedly for 10 weeks now, the head of the baby and the hands were already formed but in the case of our baby, it was not grown and no more heartbeat. When I went back to my OB-Gyne, I was shocked when she told me that I need an urgent operation this week to avoid complications and poisoning since the fetus is still there inside. I need an urgent operation known as “Hysterectomy.”To take all, the myoma, the fetus and the 2 ovaries and to make sure that myoma won’t come back and find its way to stay again.

Please help us pray for the provision. We need to prepare 45,000 Php in just 5days. We believe the Lord is able to provide. We just need to claim it and trust the Lord in everything. God is good and God is great. Thank you for all your prayers. I always treasure it.

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My Preparations

Thinking of my operation I refrain. I don’t want to think of it. But I still can’t flee away from it. It’s only 2 weeks left and I will fly back to the Phil. to prepare for my myoma operation. It’s tough to think of it, it’s tougher when I will be there in front of the so called operation thing…

But since I had miscarriage few weeks ago and had big myoma (like an apple) I have to, no choice whatsoever. But leaving hubby behind seems like tearing my heart open wide. Few weeks ago until we celebrated Valentine’s Day, I don’t have this feeling, just this day that hubby was reminding me to prepare what I need to bring. Thinking of it all, I don’t know, I don’t understand my feelings. But I have no choice as what I have said, hubby will have a hard time to take care of me here, since we don’t have a family, although we have friends here and there but it’s different when it’s your family that would take care of you.

Thank you for friends who really care – our friends in Thailand, Malaysia, Phil, all throughout the world who constantly praying for me. I even thank my blogger friends here and there, for all your prayers and support, I’m blessed to know you all. The Lord will continue to bless you and your ministry as well because we always believe that He who Promised is Faithful. Our God is faithful to provide everything and to bless His children.

Please help me pray for strength, it’s not so easy, though my friends would always say, it’s okay it’s not dangerous, but to think of an operation, for me, is not a joke, I had no experience on that thing, and I might be scared, but then, I trust God, the maker of heaven and earth and the giver of life. I just need your prayers, it will really make a difference and God will be glorified. I will let you know more here of how faithful our God is… Blessings to all!

Our Awaited Day is Over

Life is tough at times, hurting, painful yet encouraging, hoping and longing for the best. That’s what I feel now, mixed emotions, quite sad but still thanking the Lord, for He knows what is best for us. Yesterday, I wrote about my appointment with my doctor. Today we went for check up and found out through an ultrasound that the baby is totally gone. We just thought that the bleeding that I’ve gone through was just from myoma, only to find out that our baby is totally gone with all the bleeding and the pain.

I could not explain my emotions, I felt sad yet clinging on the Lord and to be still. Hubby felt sad the most but can’t explain his emotions. I understand, I have a lot of what if’s thoughts and feelings. But we have nothing to do, the baby is gone. But I still need an operation for the myoma to be taken away. The doctor said, if the myoma is smaller it will be gone by drinking some medicine. If the myoma is 5 cm or bigger than that, operation is required. My myoma is already 7.8cm so I need an operation.

All things work together for good to those who love God and do His will. I always cling to that promise.

Painful Experience

I had a painful experience last Wednesday, hubby brought me to the hospital because I was bleeding, after the doctor’s check up she found out that I had myoma and we started to pray that the baby is safe. That was a painful experience I have had after I gave birth to AJ our second son 7 years ago. A lot of blood came out and I was really suffering from the pain.

Then, I asked my hubby to pray for me, I had also asked AJ to lay his hand over my tummy. I couldn’t sleep nor move to the left or to the right. The pain was so heavy that I couldn’t move my body. One thing I told my baby, just to hold on and take care because Mama is carrying the pain and with the help of Jesus I will be healed. Indeed, after few hours of struggle, I was okay and was able to walk and take myself for few minutes and I felt restored.

The next day, there’s a little bit of pain but the blood was still coming out, I can’t stop it just like a woman’s monthly period. A lot of blood came out but the Lord was giving a hope to trust in His care – that I need not to worry because He is in control. So I have that peace that only God can give and I hold on to His promises.