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Saturday, February 6, 2010

Time for a Change

For those who are following my posts, I wrote about my miscarriage and my pains. Let me share to you why I cried a lot for the loss of my baby.

After new year I went to the hospital for check and the doctor discovered that I'm on the way of having a baby. It was already 6 weeks. Pregnancy only comes every 7 years for me. I was excited because it's God's number. After few weeks something happened that I never expected. We were about to be hit by a motorcycle driver on our way home. I was upset and had sleepless night. Early morning, I found out that I was bleeding, we hurriedly went to the hospital for check up. The doctor discovered that I had myoma which has 7.8cm in diameter and my baby was only 2cm.

She told me that the bleeding was caused by myoma, so there's no medication and I will just take a rest. After a week I need to be back for another check up, she said. We went home but the pain was so severe and the bleeding was so intense which I barely take it, thinking of my baby I just suffered, I kept it and just bear the severe pain without knowing that my baby was already crying for help. I did not do anything because I trusted the doctor so much.

After few days, bleeding was still disturbing me but the pain was over. I still told my baby to hang on, with a thought that myoma will be gone soon. I was upset a bit why my tummy was becoming smaller, but I still hope for the best, that my baby is still there hanging on. However, in the evening, these words were coming on my mind and every now and then it keeps reminding me, and I woke up with the same words -- Time for a Change---

The awaited day was over and we were ready to see the doctor. I prepared myself early and went to the hospital with my sweetie. We waited for awhile then the doctor came in. She did a check up with the ultrasound, she found out that there's no baby inside. She told me that maybe it was only a mass or something inside and it's gone sometimes. Yet she told me a week before that there is a heartbeat inside and last check up she said if the baby will grow the myoma will become smaller. She did not even asked me of what had happened to me during the week and just jump to a conclusion... We went home and didn't know what to do. I was still okay but in the evening during our devotional, I remembered my baby. I had the after effect feeling. I was hurt, I cried a lot because of the doctor's non - caring attitude towards my baby. I was bothered because I didn't do anything for her. I just presume that she's a girl (my baby) and sorry for that. That's what I feel.

I blamed the doctor, I blamed myself, I blamed the circumstances even the motorcycle driver. I was crying a lot, wherever I go and whatever I do, whether I cook or doing something, I heard my baby crying for help. I was starting to be bitter and angry at the circumstances. My hubby was already bothered. I was really glad when he reminded me through his prayer that I don't need to blame anyone, the circumstances, or even myself because everything has a purpose. Yes, I always do that, but when you are in that situation you will sometimes forget the purpose because of the pain. Now I understand how it feels when a mother has miscarriage. It's very painful physically and emotionally.

If you were in that situation, what will you do? Therefore I conclude, two is better than one. If I was alone having the pain, I would be led to a bad thoughts that will lead me to become angry and bitter. I'm so blessed to have a hubby who really cares and understands me fully.


Friday, February 5, 2010

Mommy Moments - Love Language

AJ was thankful after his 6th birthday last year.
AJ is sweet as always
AJ got his sweet actions from his Papa,
however, Em2 our teenager
could not be seen here.
He got his aloof attitude from his Mama.
Gradually, i have learned to show my love
through actions to the love of my life
so you can see me here, hugging my hubby.
It took time for me to show my love
but you have nothing to do
if your beloved has a lot of sweet ways.
You will learn
through all the years ....
AJ always hugs, but his kuya finds it corny and awkward.
mommy moments
I missed joining this meme. It's also fun joining here since it involves my family.These are some of the photos I've got since we came here in Thailand. The focus for this month is all about love, so Love Language is the 1st theme for this month.

More love language posts with Chris in Mommy Moments.


Thursday, February 4, 2010

Friday Photoflashback

Friday Photo Flashback
I love this meme and I don't want to miss it. Today though I'm still grieving for the loss of my baby, I still wanted to join here. I'm posting about my two sons, we took this picture 6 years ago, when they were still small. Em2 was 8 years old and AJ was less than 2. My children are so precious to me.

Thanks to Alicia for this enjoyable meme.
Try to join here, it's fun.


Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Word-Filled Wednesday

And we know
that in all things God works
for the good of those who love Him,
who have been called
according to His purpose
Romans 8:28
I am grateful today that in the midst of frustrations and trials we can still say that we are safe in His loving arms. It's sad to think of the loss of our baby but God works for good.

Thank you to all who prayed for me. I'm okay now, as far as health is concerned. We are just coping with the new change. It's sudden and hurting but life is like that. I still need an operation for the myoma to be gone. Now, this verse is real to us these days and I'm blessed to have Jesus.

Please visit PennyRaine for more posts and be blessed.


Couple's Corner - How Do I Love Thee

This is my first time to join this meme. I have seen it many times and quite excited to join but I also failed many times to post. Today, I have mixed emotions and to feel at ease I decided to write and join here. Mixed emotions in the sense that our most awaited baby is gone, I had miscarriage, you can check it in my other posts below. So I wanted to be at peace this time and think of how I madly in love with the one I love aside from my Heavenly Father who loves me and cares for me.

I fall in love to my only beloved and since then I continue to fall in love each day as we travel through life's journey. Loving my sweetheart is not hard. A lot of times, ladies easily attracted to his sweet ways. I'm blessed with my sweetheart. Here are some of the things why I fall in love with him each day...

I Love him because he really cares.... if I'm sick or not well, he does the household chores like cleaning, cooking, washing the clothes and a lot more.

I love him of his sweet ways of being a childlike in front of me, his caring attitude and the like.

I love him of being so friendly to anyone, he could easily make friends to anybody around the world, and that's my hubby.

I love the way he takes care of our children and the way he showed his love.

I love his touch, when I'm sick, he usually massage my back, head...

My sweetheart is so wonderful, I remember the time when he wrote a letter telling me that he's so thankful to having me in his life, and has nothing more to ask for ... wow! I'm blessed to have my sweetie.

I have so many things to share, next time perhaps. Thanks for this meme Rodeliz, I enjoyed. Great and lovely posts about couples with Rodliz Nest. Come and join and have fun sharing your life's experience.


Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Our Awaited Day is Over

Life is tough at times, hurting, painful yet encouraging, hoping and longing for the best. That's what I feel now, mixed emotions, quite sad but still thanking the Lord, for He knows what is best for us. Yesterday, I wrote about my appointment with my doctor. Today we went for check up and found out through an ultrasound that the baby is totally gone. We just thought that the bleeding that I've gone through was just from myoma, only to find out that our baby is totally gone with all the bleeding and the pain.

I could not explain my emotions, I felt sad yet clinging on the Lord and to be still. Hubby felt sad the most but can't explain his emotions. I understand, I have a lot of what if's thoughts and feelings. But we have nothing to do, the baby is gone. But I still need an operation for the myoma to be taken away. The doctor said, if the myoma is smaller it will be gone by drinking some medicine. If the myoma is 5 cm or bigger than that, operation is required. My myoma is already 7.8cm so I need an operation.

All things work together for good to those who love God and do His will. I always cling to that promise.


The Most Awaited Time

Tomorrow is my day, we will know for sure if our baby is still okay in spite of all the bleeding I had undergone due to the new found myoma. Although I'm a bit anxious of the result but we trusted the Lord for everything and we believe all things are under His care. My sister is always reminding me to go to the hospital but I refrain because my OB said, she has nothing to do with it, we need to wait t for a week to make sure that she can get the exact or if not, what to do next, after seeing the result.

At this time we just relaxed and trust Him to do the rest. Whether we like it or not it will happen and we can't stop it. Anyhow, God is our refuge and strength, the very present help in times of trouble. Our God is a great God and He knows what lies ahead of us even our future. So we better trust in His Unfailing Love.

I will update tomorrow of the result and thanks to all my friends here who really care and prayed for me. Blessings to all of you!


Sunday, January 31, 2010

Eye Problem

Having eye problems are encountered not only by adults but also with small children. Last year I also discovered that my eyes were starting to disturb me. I started to look for some possibilities to have an eyeglasses. But since people here in our place have the difficulty in explaining to me about the need of a reading eyeglasses I failed to buy one.

Just recently I discovered Stahl Eye Center, it is known as Lasik, it reduces or eliminates the need for glasses or contact lenses. It is the most performed surgery in the U.S. which normally has no pain, its vision recovery is only few hours, I guess, I like to have it. You can see well for about a day or after two days, this sounds great for me. I'm grateful that I discovered this kind of surgery. It's fast and I would rather say "no" for eyeglasses.

Try to check this and see for yourself.


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